I suppose at this point I should mention that recently someone hacked into my email account, so I decided to set up a new email account with another provider. I kept the original email active as I wasn't sure I'd remembered to transfer everyone and every business over to the new account, so from time to time I would check the old emails to be sure I'd covered everything. It was on checking this old account that I spotted an email from Uniform Dating saying I'd got a message. Now this was a bit odd, as I hadn't used this site for some time now and didnt have an active profile anymore. Who would want to contact someone who No. 1 hadnt been on line in 2 months and No. 2 who didnt even have a picture on there. I clicked on the link just to see if there was any indication of who this new admirer might be. I wasnt expecting what followed and that was a skip of my heart. The message was from Dan. I clicked on it and was presented with an option that if I wanted to read the message I had to subscribe. I checked out the subscriptions page and found that I could subscribe for 3 days for £10. I should have ignored it but intrigue got the better of me. Firstly if he wanted to message me why hadn't he just text me. What would the message say. Would it be an apology, would it be a request to put things right. I paid my £10 and opened the message. I had to laugh. It consisted of "Hi, how are you?". I couldnt believe it. I'd paid £10 for that. I decided that as I'd now got a 3 day subscription, I'd send a reply. There was a part of me that had an element of hope. Why - he treated me appalingly. I should have just messaged him to do something with himself, but I didn't. I messaged him saying "how did he think I was" and pressed send. It was at this point that I noticed that his message was written 3 weeks ago. So now, I was left with not knowing whether he would even see it, was he still a member, would he have given up any hope of me responding.
Within an hour he'd responded. He apologised with what appeared to be a very sincere apology. He made no attempt to ask to see me. I must admit I was slightly disappointed. I asked him why he hadn't just sent me a message on mobile and he told me he'd deleted my number. Now I should have just left it there, but there was that burning feeling in the pit of my stomach that wanted to be back in touch with him. I wanted to see him. All the feelings I had felt came flooding back. So I sent him a a text. At least that way he now has my mobile again and can contact me if he wants.
What followed was a few days of texting, mostly friendly, sometimes sarcastic (on my part) and we eventually agreed to meet. I wasnt sure what to expect but I arranged to meet him at the coffee shop we'd first met at some 3 months previously. I arrived there before he did and waited outside. He walked towards me and my stomach knotted. I put on a smile, hid my shaking hands and let him give me a peck on the cheek. He bought me coffee and a cake (I chose Rocky Road cake - no pun intended). We sat and silence fell. I had one question to ask ..... "why"? He told me he'd had a bit of a breakdown. He couldnt cope. He told me "I didnt deserve what he did to me". He wasnt proud of it, but he was sorry and hoped I could forgive him some day. What followed was a lovely reunion and I knew immediately I still liked him a lot and believed him when he said how sorry he was. We left and had a less formal kiss as we said goodbye. I told him I still needed answers and if we were to consider trying again, I needed to have some reassurance from him that he wouldnt do this again.
We met a couple of days later and I laid my cards on the table about what I expected of him. I also grilled him a bit more about his reasons for doing what he did and how he did it. I really believed that he was sincere in his apology and I decided to forgive him and try again. We are now at the stage where we have agreed to take it slowly as I need to rebuild my trust in him and we will see how it goes.
I have arranged to see him again in the next week and he is going to take me out. So we are once again at a point of "watch this space". I don't know what to expect, I don't know whether I can cope with his job, his young kids, an ex wife who appears to be a bit of an unstable nutter from time to time but if I dont try I will always ask myself "what if". I may very well get hurt again but I have to take that chance. I hope he has changed and learnt his lesson, but I suppose only time will tell. One thing is sure, if he ever treats me like it again, he won't get a 3rd chance. So here's to throwing caution to the wind and keeping fingers crossed. I may be back, I may not. The date is 2nd October 2012. I am now 44 years of age (he is 37). I am hoping this is the end of my single life....................... even though there is slight doubt in my mind. Love to you all x