Well date No. 3, No. 4 and No. 5 were all as successful as the 1st and 2nd, but we had a slight interruption from a crazy ex wife who managed to get my mobile no. off his phone bill and left a threatening message for me and then turned up on his doorstep and attacked him.  This resulted in her being arrested, although he decided not to press charges.  I was aware at that point that this was not going to be an easy ride.  I just wasn't prepared for how uneasy it would be.

The cracks started to appear when I was aware that we were no longer going out but he was coming over, staying, leaving and occasionally letting me down at short notice because of work commitments but offered no form of apology that was worthy of anything.  I started to feel slightly paranoid and wondered whether he was in fact telling me the truth or was he just using me for some sort of gratification.  I started to question when he was letting me down and started to question his texts that sometimes were rather blunt.  It was like being with someone with a split personality.  One day he would be romantic and send me lovely texts and the next day he would text me as if I was a business acquaintance. 

It carried on like this for 5 weeks.  I was due to go on holiday and although I thought I would miss him terribly, I was concerned that he would either find someone else or go back to his wife while I was away.  We had arranged to meet up the day before I was leaving but right up to the last minute he had not text me and I didn't know when I was seeing him and for how long.  I decided to turn up on his doorstep to ask him outright.  Wrong Move.  He flipped.  I left feeling very uneasy and angry with myself as I had become this paranoid woman who was pushing him further away.  I then received a text to say he couldnt cope anymore and couldnt give me what I wanted and wouldn't be seeing me again.  I was really upset, but not overly surprised. 

I went on my holiday and tried to forget about him, but found it really difficult.  He contacted me while I was away (on my birthday) and said he had missed me and wanted to see me again.  I was elated.  I couldnt wait to get home and see him again.  I arranged to see him the day after I returned from holiday.  I arrived on his doorstep, all tanned and smiling, but slightly apprehensive as the last time I'd seen him had been rather stressful and upsetting.  He greeted me with a big smile and seemed fine.  I spent a couple of hours with him and everything seemed fine.  He made a fuss of me and made me feel sexy and wanted.  I went home very happy, thinking everything was back as it should be.

The very next day I received a text from him to say he wasnt sure he could offer me what I wanted and I had to weigh up wether I was prepared to play second fiddle to his job and his kids.  I text him back saying I couldnt believe he'd suddenly had a change of heart again and asked if we could meet to talk about things.  I never heard anymore from him.

I was left shattered, exposed, used and cheap.  How could someone treat another human being like this.  People told me he was just another bastard.  I wasn't convinced.  I knew there was more to it then that.  I just felt he was a genuine person who was just suffering with his emotions and convinced myself that he was having a breakdown!  I didnt really know whether this was true or not but it helped me deal with it.  I missed him like crazy, but I had to put him out of mind and move on.